As a mild extrovert I have often given thought to this issue. It is something we all deal with sooner or later. Some people (like Rachel) decide they like being alone. Other people (like me) go a different route. In today's culture it is easy to feel a superficial connection to people. Facebook. Twitter. Insta-thingy. Snap-doohickey. Blogs. Email. Front Porch Forum. Etc. And yet I actually feel like in the midst of all this communication we end up being more alone than ever. Community is a much less important concept in any expression that would be recognizable to pre-industrial societies. And I think that overall it is a bad thing. We need that human connection. But this blog post is not meant to rail against the failures of individualism or the crumbling psychological status of many Americans. NO! While I certainly could carry on about such topics this is more meant for the reverse problem. Today I am going to discuss a problem which I struggle with - fear of solitude.
The past 6 months or so have really confronted me on this subject. I was living alone for the very first time in my life. And I mean that. I have always had roommates or a crew or campers or...someone. It surprised me when I realized that. And those of you who know me well know that I at least claim that I do not function well when I am alone. I derive energy and motivation from being around people. Part of that is the fact that I rarely manage to find a reason to do something on my own behalf. If I had no friends or family to care about my successes and failures I don't know if I would ever be capable of even trying to succeed. I don't fully understand that particular piece of myself. I have theories on where that comes from but I'm not entirely certain. But none of this is new so why comment on it now?
Yesterday Jared was preaching on Noah. And it was a really great sermon too. Jared in typical fashion managed to illuminate the Gospel in surprising and uplifting ways. But at one point he quoted one of my favorite scenes from the Narnia series. The scene from the Silver Chair where Jill is confronted by Aslan at the stream (side note: this also reminded me of my other favorite scene wherein Lucy asks if Aslan is a tame lion). And they go back and forth - Jill afraid and Aslan calm but unyielding. And from there I can't remember exactly the journey that my thoughts took get here but I ended up thinking about a song from Spamalot. Arthur starts singing this song about how he is all alone. While his traveling companion is trying to point out that he is not all alone. There is a larger comic and social commentary point being made by the song but they are not entirely relevant here. And it struck me that I do this all the time. Except with God. As Christians we are never truly alone. And I don't mean that in some mystical sense. God talks to me, he carries my burdens, he guides me, he even plays with me sometimes. Yet I am unwilling or unable to recognize his companionship much of the time. And more importantly, until I can feel complete when it is just me and God, I will never find fulfillment in human companionship. I was made for God. All human relationships no matter how real they feel are almost illusory next to my relationship with God. "I will never leave you nor forsake you" Even the original language declares the closeness of that relationship. In english we no longer have an informal version of the word "you" but we used to. When we still did it took the form of "thee". "thou", "thy", "thine" etc. So if you open a King James Version some time, everywhere that you see one of those words it is God speaking to us as a close, personal, and intimate friend.
I had some other things I was going to say when this was floating in my head yesterday but sadly those thoughts are currently hiding from me. Anyway I guess I spent a long time getting to the point and then not much time actually talking about it but you know what that is the freedom of free-writing your own blog. ;) The same 12-17 people will probably be reading it regardless hehehe.
Until next time, may you find rest in the presence of God.
