So I know it hasn't been long since my last post according to my own timeline of postings but my heart has been heavy for some time and this has only increased in the last couple days so I thought I should put down some thoughts. It isn't all bad and there's some of you who may think they know what the title alludes to but they will find they are only partially correct. But as they say "first things, first" so without further ado I will queue the rambling prologue.
Since coming to Christ a little more than 8 years ago I've attended a lot of churches and I can remember every single one including the ones that I was only visiting for a week or two. Most of them were great places in some way or another as I have very discriminating tastes ;) but 3 in particular stand out. The first is Elmore United Methodist. This is by far the smallest church I have ever attended and it has one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen. It was the church that I was going to when God finally got hold of me. I wasn't saved by the preaching there but rather God was doing a work in me separate from the church and gave me an amazing place to fellowship during the process. Those people opened their homes to me, offered every kind of assistance should it be needed, befriended the weirdo 20 year old college drop out who was only in town for the summer. At a time in my life when I had abandoned everything known and comfortable and reliable in my life I found a family that I never knew could exist. And isn't it crazy how that works with God most of the time? Giving up the known only to find something way better? Elmore set the bar by which I would measure community.
The second church on this list is Christ Memorial Church in Essex Junction. I found these people by sheer accident. I was looking for another church entirely because I had just moved and was church shopping. But I got lost and their service time was exactly right for my needs that morning. They even had their first ever college students and new attendees lunch that afternoon which was serendipitous. Under the leadership of Wes Pastor (or as some call him, Pastor Pastor) I learned to take my theology seriously. Most of the places I'd been before were big on love (which is obviously important) but not very strong on getting into what exactly we believe and why. CMC excels at this. Wes has a very straightforward way of saying some very deep and important truths. It's where I learned about church planting and grew a heart for missions. I made some excellent friends and went through some of the hardest times of my life here. In short, it's where God started the advanced study on what it really meant to live and think as a Christian. It's also where I (finally) got baptized after a false start. It wasn't all rainbows and unicorns but my time there marked a turning point in my walk.
The last place which is the place of honor is Middletown Springs Community Church - my current church and the first church at which I formally became a member. The last 2 years or so have marked a profound period of growth (in all areas of my life) and intense struggle (in all areas of my life). Nowhere else have I seen such a remarkable fusion of the qualities of intentional, loving, Christian community and intelligent, incisive, and remarkable preaching. MSCC has set a new bar in both community and theology. I've never known a place quite like it. I'm told that much of that spirit was present before Jared took over as pastor but it is clear even to a relative newcomer, at a church which has been around since the 18th century, that Jared is responsible for really upping the game. I've never known a guy who could regularly preach in such heartfelt ways so as to often bring me to tears and laughter in the same sermon. And at the same time what he says doesn't seem intended to ply on the emotions of the crowd but rather he simply shows us God and he manages to show us a picture so clear that it is God not Jared who stirs us so deeply. I could similarly go on about how amazing the people are and how close and loving the community there is but 2 days ago Jared informed us that he is leaving.
He is going to a new ministry at Midwestern Baptist Seminary to help their mission of equipping young pastors to be Gospel-centered. A mission which I can say nothing against. Indeed, I am excited for him and his family that they have such a clear calling from God. I envy them in a way as I am in a stage of life where most things seem murky and I have to feel the ground to move forward. But Jared's departure is also very sad for me and for many. I know him not just as the voice proclaiming God's word on Sunday afternoon but as a friend, a brother, a person who has shared my burdens and who has shared his own with me at times. I know Missouri isn't the end of the earth but it feels like I am losing a family member. I have often thought "how does a little church like this manage to get such an amazing guy as the pastor". Jared has explained his reasons for leaving and they all seem thoughtful, rational, and focused on how to serve God. But he will be missed.
The deeply selfish part of me went straight to "how does this effect me personally". And I found plenty. Mostly I thought about how everything else in my life was crumbling around me. Everything but MSCC the one fixed point I have. And then that fixed point moves. It's unnerving and frustrating and depressing. But to Jared's credit I could not land on that thought for long. Jared has ingrained in us the idea of hunting down and smashing our idols so well that my next thought was that I had made an idol out of him and the church. It's not a pleasant realization. I was holding to the way things were as a source of security rather than to God. So being a person who thinks in terms of logic my next thought was that if Jared and stability were idols then God was doing me a favor by stripping it away from me. The Gospel is not reliant on Jared talented as he may be. MSCC is not reliant on him either. God's truth and God's church both hang on God not the men who serve him. And seeing all of the other amazing things God has been doing here in southern Vermont I can't now help but be excited to see who God sends us next. This battle is ramping up on many fronts and that's when you send in your best troops for support. So while this doesn't stop me from being sad about the departure of a brother it gives me something to look forward to.
In many ways all of this also brings into focus my own life. The title could refer to the changes at MSCC but it doesn't. It refers to me. So many things in my life are changing as I've said. I can feel the tide turn on a level that I can't explain. God is preparing me for something new. I have no idea how my life will settle out in the end but it will be different from what I've known in the past. That is my only real certainty. And I have felt it coming for almost a year now when the changes first started. And up till now I have mourned what has been and what will be lost. I'm a very nostalgic person so losing what was is a hard thing me most of the time. But all of the logic I used to talk about Jared can equally be applied to my life. I am sad for what will be lost and what has been already. But maybe for the first time in a while I am starting to be excited for what is coming. It is beyond my ability to imagine but I've found in past experience that such times are always the best when they finally arrive.
