This post is a reflection on the failure of a paradigm. Just a heads up this will likely be a long one and it will be a little different from my normal inward focused posts. It seems like I can't get away from talk about Robin Williams even this long after the event. Don't get me wrong, I was saddened to hear about his death. I have very much enjoyed his movies since as far back as I can remember and even if I hadn't it makes me sad to see a life lost to despair. I have a lot of thoughts and opinions about suicide but that isn't what I want to talk about really.
As I think all of you reading this will know, I am a nursing student. I am currently doing psych clinical. Today, our ward had a discussion club and what we were discussing was an article that was a reaction to how people are talking about Robin Williams. More than that it was about how to see and address suicidal thoughts in other people. I wasn't impressed by the article but it had some good points to consider.
During the discussion I asked a question and the responses (from personnel on a dedicated psych ward ranging from LNAs to RNs to residents) left me feeling troubled. The question I asked was this: What basis do we have to tell our patients that suicide is bad? We may not say it like that but all policy and treatment orbits that idea. We can hold someone against their will if we have reasonable suspicion that they are actively suicidal. We talk about suicide being the result of disease processes rather than a choice (a position I cannot fully agree with). We are doing everything except saying outright "killing yourself is wrong" because we aren't supposed to impose value judgements. Which is exactly what we are doing and we are scared of admitting it for some reason.
I didn't ask because I don't have my own answer. I do have several responses in fact for why I believe suicide is wrong. Most are tied directly to my faith, some are tied to my view of what suicide is, and some are positions of logic. Again that isn't what I am going to discuss. The reason I asked is because our teaching tells us to be moral relativists for the purposes of therapy. And we work in a system that seems to assume we agree with naturalistic evolution. In fact many of the ways that God speaks to me would be classed as "magical thinking" which is a symptom of psychosis amongst other things. We are told religion is a good thing to encourage because it has been proven to be protective against suicide and yet its said in a way that shouts the thought that religion is a pleasant lie that patients need to cope with reality. Which is funny because in all other cases we are told not to play into delusions.
The reason I asked the question was because I was genuinely interested to know how a relativistic framework deals with such an important question. As far as I can tell there is no way to legitimately ban suicide without either minimizing individual rights or appealing to a transcendent absolute. And nothing that was said at that group has convinced me otherwise. The consensus was "we can't really make that claim". I got the feeling that the room as a whole was actually troubled by the question. Are we being hypocrites to say on one hand "suicide is bad" and on the other "it is not our place to judge"? I was troubled that in an age when suicide rates seem to be on the rise, the professionals who have dedicated their careers to helping the mentally ill have no convincing answers to that question. If I was suicidal and ran into this it would encourage me to continue.
Another troubling thing that came out of this meeting was an observation. It was pointed out that Robin Williams had in many ways achieved the American dream. Fame, popularity, riches. He was a Success. And yet that brought him no peace, no answers. At least not the peace that means something. I find that unsurprising. The American Dream is a flimsy idol. What I did find surprising was hearing that many people are reacting by getting angry at him. I don't get that. Why anger? The only thing that occurred to me was that in his death he removed some measure of hope. I think that people look at his death and feel on some deep level "So what you are saying is that it ultimately doesn't matter how successful I become. There really is no light at the end of the tunnel just a different sort of darkness and a darkness that leaves you with nowhere else to go."
And so we arrive back at the beginning of this entry - the failure of a paradigm. I have long believed that American culture has been heading for a cliff. Individualism and capitalism are failures. Our leaders have mostly failed or fled, corruption is assumed to the point where it is hard to even work up the energy to care, our resources go towards propping up the institutions that grind us down, there are precious few things that are still accorded any trust or respect, we devour our youth and now we cannot even find a solid reasons to give our citizens to keep on living. One of the stages of the death of a civilization is intensification. The things that are seen as societal ideals are pursued much harder in the hopes that adhering to the guiding principles will save you. Our current political scene reflects this. Polarization is consistent with intensification. The conservatives become more conservative, the liberals become more liberal and there is less room for discussion because there is a perception that compromise will bring the whole system down.
I'm not original in any of this. I have heard various versions of this from many voices in greater or lesser amounts of coherence and sanity. Until today I don't think I realized how bad it's getting out there. Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm delusional and should be the guest of a mental health clinic. All I know is that despite the fact that today was actually a very good day by other measures I have this unshakable uneasiness.
I remember when I was a teenager and had just read Dune for the first time I really bought in to the idea that a revolution every now and then is good for society. In more recent times I have said that it might be good for the government to collapse so that something new can be built. Also, I have said that I actually hope that Christianity becomes truly unacceptable to society so that our light might be less obscured by the portion of so-called Christians who are doing the culturally expedient thing and because that famous saying about Christianity flourishing in persecution does seem to be true. My views of life and, more importantly, of people have changed a lot since I was a teenager. I don't hate everyone like I used to for one thing. So, while I still believe that most of the above is actually true, it is more resolve than eagerness or curiosity that I find when considering the consequences. Truth is often unpleasant.
Well, as I promised in the opening this definitely ran long. And I don't know a good way to wrap up because right now I don't feel like I have answers or solutions other than the Cross. If it wasn't for God I doubt I would have hope right now. I think some very difficult times may be in store for us in the next couple decades. I hope I'm wrong. It happens with more frequency then I'd care to admit. But right now I'm exhausted from increasingly regular sleep deprivation. So until next time, may you find the Peace that surpasses all understanding.
